


Samsara SNAFU? (2016)

by JennyB



Category: Saiyuki
Genre: Community: yuletide_smut, Humor, M/M, One-Sided Relationship, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-17 16:35:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9333608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennyB/pseuds/JennyB
Summary: Goujun-now-Hakuryuu discovers that getting a second turn on the Wheel does not necessarily make for a fun ride - especially when the relationship he wants to pursue can never be more than painfully one-sided!





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Meicdon13](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meicdon13/gifts).



> This was written for the 2016 Yuletide Smut challenge, a Saiyuki-themed writing community on Dreamwidth.
> 
> My requestor asked for humour, so bear that in mind when you read this. It's not meant to be taken seriously in any way. Written in first person POV. Apologies for not getting above that PG-13 rating, but I'm hoping that you'll still enjoy this gift fic as much as I did writing it. ♥

I could smell him before he even came through the door. He stunk like cheap beer and some sort of noxious, overblown floral stench that clung to his skin and clothing, cloying and not at all enticing. The cheap perfume was a dead giveaway that he had been out carousing with whores again, and the very idea sickened me. He came through the door then, all smiles and swagger, the scent of sex heavy upon him, and from where I sat, I narrowed my eyes as I glowered hatefully at him, the growl barely contained in my throat. I knew I was being irrational. He had no idea I was even interested in him, and to be fair, he never actually paid the women he slept with so, _technically_ , they were not whores. But at the same time, he did not need to fornicate with every large breasted jezebel that smiled at him, nor did he need to crow about his conquests as if they were some sort of glorious battle he had won. His tawdry encounters angered me, frustrated Hakkai, and confused the boy - the three of us could always smell what he had been up to. I think it is always worse for me; my sense of smell is far more acute than even my youkai friends.

Gojyo sat down on the sofa next to me, propped one dirty boot up on the coffee table, and after lighting up a cigarette, he began telling Hakkai about the young woman whose company he had been in for the past few hours. The more he talked, the more I could feel my irritation growing as my mind conjured images of their naked forms twined together, the sounds of their combined pleasure rising up over the soft slide of skin on skin, and finally, with an actual growl, I sat up and told him exactly what I thought.

_You should be ashamed of yourself! Staying out as late as you do, making us all worry about you, coming home stinking as you do, not caring about us as you do!_

Gojyo gave me a crooked half smile then, the confusion evident in his eyes. Of course he had no idea why I was angry with him; he could be very selfish and self-centred at times. "Sorry, Hakuryuu," he said. "Didn't mean to wake you up, buddy." He reached over to stroke a hand down my back, and with a lightning quick movement, I turned my head and bit him on the fingers. Hard. "Ow! Goddammit, Hakuryuu, what the hell?" he demanded, and then he turned to Hakkai. "What is _wrong_ with him? Squawking at me like that, and then fucking biting me?"

Hakkai looked momentarily surprised by my actions, but as I continued to berate Gojyo for his thoughtless stupidity and shameful behaviour, a dark smile slowly made its way across his face. "I think he's angry with you for being out late."

"The hell he is!" Gojyo countered. "He's just a dumb animal; he doesn't even know what the fuck I'm even saying!"

_Is that so?_ I said angrily, and I bit him again.

"Ow! Fuck, Hakuryuu! Quit it!" 

Hakkai chuckled, his smile widening. "Oh, I think he understands you quite well, Gojyo." Hakkai came over to where I was sitting and picked me up. "I'd suggest you shower and get some sleep. Sanzo wants to leave early in the morning, and isn't going to want to wait. If you dawdle, on your own head be it. Good night, Gojyo."

Hakkai's subtle scolding brought me no satisfaction that night. I was quiet while he went through his evening ablutions, and when he finished reading for the night, I curled up on his bed. I admit I enjoyed it as he stroked along my spine until he drifted off to sleep, and then I moved to the foot of his bed, staring silently out the window - as I did most nights. Thinking. Remembering. Reflecting. Wondering. My infatuation with Gojyo was a fairly new development for me. In fact, when I first met him, we did not get along. I still look back on those first days with a mixture of wry amusement and an odd sort of fondness. It seems like so long ago, though it has only been a few years. 

My first conscious memories of being in this body were of waking up in a snowbank and not knowing who I was or how I had come to be there - wherever _there_ was. Half frozen and beyond famished, I am sure I looked the picture of pathetic, huddled in on myself, barely able to keep my eyes open. My circumstances at the time were almost ironically laughable: my life, such as it was, was going to end without my ever learning anything about it. But then, Hakkai was there. He warmed me, both with his coat and with his chi, took me to his home, fed me, and nursed me back to health. He called me Hakuryuu. I did not understand that at first, but while I convalesced, my memories began to return. I remembered my name was Goujun. I remembered Hakkai as Tenpou - and was pleased to see that he had lost a lot of the more odious attributes Tenpou had possessed. He was fastidious about being tidy now, and no longer smoked. I remembered Gojyo was Kenren - and was disappointed to see that he was as much a slave to vice as he had been in Tenkai. Where Hakkai was my saviour, Gojyo was an annoyance. At that point, I did not remember him as the honourable general he had been, but as the lazy, undisciplined and disrespectful soldier I had believed him to be. It did not help that our first meeting was less than auspicious. He had spoken to Hakkai as though I was not even in the room and had said that, if Hakkai wanted a pet, I would have to live in a cage outside. That idea did not please me; I had been the Dragon King of the Western Seas. I was no animal, nor would I be relegated to being caged like one! At that point, I told Gojyo exactly what I thought of his idea, and with as much dignity as I could muster, I strode from the room.

As I was leaving, I passed by the full-length mirror, and I stopped dead in my tracks at what I saw. I stared, horrified at the reflection staring back at me. I had been proud. Commanding. Dignified. My regal frame had been reduced to this…dowdy mimicry at best. I realized then that Kanzeon Bosatsu had acted on my behalf, showing genuine compassion and sparing me from true death by giving me a chance at resurrection. Unfortunately, while merciful, she can also be quite the sadistic wench and she certainly possesses an ironic sense of humour. My dragon form in this body is certainly less than impressive, and my alternate incarnation is cumbersome and equally unsuited to meaningful communication. I will concede that the jeep is definitely utilitarian, but I would have preferred to have my humanoid form. I can hear her reasoning against it now: _But this way is more fun, don't you think?_ Perhaps for you, Madam! 

But anyway, my appearance shocked me, and in that moment, I did not know where I would even go. Hakkai sensed my despondency, and he asked me to stay with him. I agreed - not because I felt obliged to in exchange for his saving my life, but because he treated me kindly and respectfully. Not as a pet, but as a friend. I decided I would give him my friendship in return. Gojyo, on the other hand, was not pleased to have me there. And in the beginning, I took great delight in making sure he looked the fool in front of Hakkai. It was childish behaviour on my part, but oftentimes, I would overreact to something Gojyo said to me and then watch with smug satisfaction as Hakkai chastised him for tormenting me. Let us not forget who was the instigator in almost every instance! Whether he liked it or not, I was now a permanent presence in Gojyo's life.

As time went on, more of my memories from Tenkai began to surface. I remembered the end of my tenure there. Of Konzen, Tenpou and Kenren working against Li Touten, and attempting to get Son Goku to the Lower World. I remembered feeling differently towards Kenren then. Yes, he was still debauched and undisciplined, but the laziness was an act. He had a sharp mind, and a keen wit, and a large heart that he gave of unconditionally. I remembered having deeper feelings for Kenren, thoughts that went beyond the accepted commander-and-subordinate roles. I remembered wanting to talk to Kenren about it, but our lives were changed drastically before I could ever follow through. Kenren was killed, and I succumbed to my own injuries not too long after that. Still, that part of me had been awoken, and much to my chagrin, I found it was not something so easily repressed.

This was when I discovered my ability to take the alternate form of a jeep. I had been hoping for a humanoid form, and was rather disappointed by this turn of events. Frustrated, more with myself than with him, I became even more churlish towards Gojyo. I blamed him for not being able to understand me when Hakkai so readily could. I tried to hate him, especially when he would disappear for the evening on one of his myriad conquests. And I acted out in very passive aggressive ways towards him, much as I had as a young man towards Princess Yasmina. She was a handsome woman, with strong, sturdy features and a commanding presence, and I very much liked her despite always pulling the clips out of her chignon, and stepping on the hem of her dresses so they would tear. I knew it was childish of me, but the only way I could get Gojyo's attention as Hakuryuu was to find new and creative ways to annoy him.

Granted, I am an animal, but even I have my limits. The Dragon King of the Western Seas would never stoop to something as base as urinating on Gojyo's shoes, but I felt that charring his new suede jacket was fair recompense for his kicking me out of _my_ room so he could bed one of his harlots. If I still walked this earth as Goujun, I would be mortified by my own actions, and for the subsequent excuses made for my 'animal instincts'. But, as Hakuryuu, I see these behaviours as a means to an end, and I know that no matter how badly I conduct myself, certain… _transgressions_ like that are often forgiven. 

Of course, there are times where I cannot control myself. The animal instincts, especially where want and desire are concerned, are just too strong, and I find myself reacting without thinking. I have, on a couple of occasions, awoken from a particularly vivid dream involving Kenren and me, and realized that in my sleep, I had mounted his pillow and brought myself to completion. Fortunately, dragon semen is clear and colourless, and would hardly be noticeable once it had dried. Still, I always took care of the mess (because that would certainly have been an awkward conversation to have with Hakkai), and then stretched out once more on his pillow and basked in his scent, feeling rather smug and content. And, since I am not bound by the more human traits like 'embarrassment', there is something inherently gratifying about doing what I want to when I want to like that. Plus, there is the added satisfaction I get from knowing that some clueless trollop has her face in a puddle of dried dragon semen. Do enjoy your 'happy ending', my dear.

This is not to say that everything I do concerning Gojyo is of that nature. I do engage in other behaviours that suggest the depth of my feelings for him. I have sat at the edge of the hot springs and watched him bathe. He thinks I am simply following him around and being playful when I whistle at his glorious form, or hand him his towel when he steps naked from the water. I am content to let that particular misassumption lie, especially since he does not seem to mind my presence, or the fact that I sit opposite him and stare unabashedly at him. A few times, he has even posed for me, not realizing that my interest is genuine. Those are some of the moments I find most precious, and yet, the most frustrating, because it is then that I want him most of all.

When he sleeps, if he has not been out carousing, there have been times that I have moved from Hakkai's bed to Gojyo's and slept next to him. If he is in a particularly deep sleep, especially an alcohol-induced sleep, sometimes I will purr in his ear and pet one of my claws through his long red hair. I miss the short cropped black spikes Kenren had, but this is not without its charms, too. It is silky, and feels nice against my toes.

My favourite thing to do, however, is to lie quietly next to him on the pillow and then softly growl in his ear before flicking out my forked tongue to tease along the shell. His skin always tastes like smoke and salt and a hint of musk, and it is very addictive. Usually, I know I can only do this a couple of times before he will either turn over, or shift to a lighter sleep. I cannot risk him waking up, because that would certainly be difficult to explain. But there was one time, not too long ago, where he responded to my tongue. It was shortly before dawn, and as I teased his ear and along the side of his neck, I could see the swell of his manhood against the blankets, and I could smell his pheromones in the air. His soft moans were some of the most beautiful sounds I have ever heard, and regardless of who he was envisioning in his dreams, this was entirely my doing. It was the closest to an actual coupling he and I could ever engage in under these circumstances, and it would have been glorious had Sanzo not stormed into the room, all hellfire and impatience, and told Hakkai he wanted to leave in twenty minutes. The moment had been spoiled, and that was the first time I had ever refused to transform for Hakkai. Sanzo attempted to threaten me with his pistol, and I attempted to bite him for his troubles, and for a while, the atmosphere was tense as Hakkai attempted to diffuse the situation. It was only when Gojyo petted along my wings and told me that _he_ needed _me_ that I finally acquiesced. I have not had another opportunity with Gojyo like that since, and my irritation with Sanzo continues. Perhaps one day, I will forgive him for ruining that one perfect moment for me. Perhaps when I find another one to replace it. 

The dawn came then, and I fell to the same routine. Hakkai packed everything up, and I spent the next several hours traversing the landscape until we reached the next small, unassuming town to spend the night. Over the dinner hour, I ate the congee and pork buns Hakkai gave me and listened to Gojyo and Goku bicker over insignificant minutiae. Hakkai attempted to referee, and Sanzo lost patience and began firing his weapon with little regard for anyone else in the restaurant. Hakkai grew frustrated and said he was going back to the room, and I felt that was an excellent Idea. Perching on his shoulder, I glowered at the other three and said, _You are all a bunch of ungrateful idiots!_ With that, Hakkai and I returned to the suite, and I claimed one of the sofa cushions as my own. Most days, they infuriate me beyond comprehension. Still, I do care for all of the ikkou in my own way. For all his power, I still see Son Goku as the eternal child, innocent and trusting, who needs protecting. Sanzo is our leader, but he is emotionally rudderless and lost, and needs our companionship. Hakkai is my brother. I love him with everything that I am, and I would willingly sacrifice my life for his, as I know he would do for me. Gojyo is the wild card. He is the one my heart truly yearns for. I never knew his previous incarnation. Not well. I always thought Kenren stupid and lazy and undisciplined, and he was more than content to play that part. Only those who bothered to dig deeper learned the true nature of Kenren’s soul, and I was fortunate enough to catch a glimpse of that when he sacrificed himself for Goku. For me. My heart aches, knowing that I will never have the chance to find out what might have been between us. In that life, he was taken from me. In this one, I am incapable of giving him that love while in this form. I do not know if he would even want it from me. 

You may wonder why I bother. Why I continue to pine after something I know I cannot ever tangibly have – at least, not in this lifetime. Part of it is the primal instinct I now possess. I just cannot help myself. Part of it is my desire for constancy and stability. So long as neither Tenpou nor Kenren find someone besides each other to spend their time with, I will continue to have both of them.

The other three returned to the suite then. Sanzo took the armchair and began reading his newspaper. Goku went directly to the refrigerator to locate something to eat. Gojyo got himself a beer from the cooler.

"No date tonight?" Sanzo asked snarkily.

"Nah. Thought maybe I'd stay in tonight," Gojyo said, and he came further into the room. “Hey, Hakuryuu,” he murmured as he sat down on the sofa, slouching back and propping his feet up on the coffee table. Cracking open his beer, he took a long swig, and then let his hand drop down to rest on the cushion next to him. As he drank, he let his fingers absently slide to my neck to stroke over my ruff, and he chuckled when the touch drew a soft purr from me. “Like that, ne? Yeah, I bet.” He deepened the massage, his grin widening when I could only purr louder, my eyes falling to mere slits as I concentrated on the casual-yet-sensual touch.

My current body does not permit me to do so, but believe me, right now I am smiling in my mind. For this, right here, right now is my motivation. I have come to accept this new incarnation, and the limited intimate contact I have with Gojyo. Perhaps it is not as gratifying as I would have hoped for, but moments like this are definitely worth it. A promise of what might have been. Raising my head a little, I lick Gojyo's hand, and it warms my heart to hear him laugh at the sensation. Perhaps Kanzeon Bosatsu truly did have a greater purpose in mind when she resurrected me in this form. Slowly, I am learning about him, and remembering more about why I was drawn to him in the first place. The pace is slow, the progression natural. I will be sure to thank her when next I see her. And at that time, she and I will have a conversation about my next life. I would say she owes me at least that much for 'entertaining' her so much in this one!


End file.
